I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
