I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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