I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
