you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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