we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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