you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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