38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
