so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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