life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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