I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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