Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
