When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
