The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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