It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
