When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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