Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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