Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
