Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
