Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
