i can't believe i had my finger in that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
