Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
