you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
