but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
