Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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