Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
