he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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