I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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