why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
