my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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