She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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