my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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