I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
