My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
