I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
