My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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