Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
