***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
