I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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