You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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