I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
