New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
