end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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