nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
