Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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