Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I want a musical about memes.
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