Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am naked and annoyed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
