Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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