is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
last night I used snow as a chaser
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
