1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
