Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
