i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
