I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
