he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
