he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
