Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
