Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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