Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
