True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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