come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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