I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
