you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
