nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
