when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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