Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize