And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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