He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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