were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
