Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
