I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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