Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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