thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
40s are totally the cure
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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